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HOW TO REJECT A BLIND DATE AND SPARE HIS FEELINGS

Tell him that he looks like your dad, mother, cousin, etc., make a silly face, and shrug.

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I’m not sure how many of you know this, but I’m really good at advice.

For the first installment of my totally amazing tips series, I will tackle a problem that many a young person faces.

We’re all intelligent, well-meaning folk over here at The Antithesis of White Noise, right?  Yet, sometimes there’s a situation or a period of time where we just can’t trust our better judgments to overrule the urges of our young, dumb libidos.

Fear not, for I have outlined a very simple technique to outsmart your hard-on!

HOW TO PREVENT YOUR CROTCH FROM MAKING DECISIONS FOR YOU

If you don’t have any pubic hair, grow it out.

Take your scissors, razor, wax, whatever, and give yourself the ugliest pubic hair-do you can muster. I’m talking some real crazy shit.

Ta da!  No matter how hard your crotch throbs, you will go out of your way not to depants.

Alternative technique: use permanent marker to give yourself a large, fucked up pubic tattoo.

** NOTE:  This maneuver is not recommended for TAOWN readers who get black out drunk, in which case, your efforts could backfire.