I’m not sure how many of you know this, but I’m really good at advice.

For the first installment of my totally amazing tips series, I will tackle a problem that many a young person faces.

We’re all intelligent, well-meaning folk over here at The Antithesis of White Noise, right?  Yet, sometimes there’s a situation or a period of time where we just can’t trust our better judgments to overrule the urges of our young, dumb libidos.

Fear not, for I have outlined a very simple technique to outsmart your hard-on!


If you don’t have any pubic hair, grow it out.

Take your scissors, razor, wax, whatever, and give yourself the ugliest pubic hair-do you can muster. I’m talking some real crazy shit.

Ta da!  No matter how hard your crotch throbs, you will go out of your way not to depants.

Alternative technique: use permanent marker to give yourself a large, fucked up pubic tattoo.

** NOTE:  This maneuver is not recommended for TAOWN readers who get black out drunk, in which case, your efforts could backfire.



1. Also called white sound. a steady, unvarying, unobtrusive sound, as an electronically produced drone or the sound of rain, used to mask or obliterate unwanted sounds.

2. Physics. random noise with a uniform frequency spectrum over a wide range of frequencies.

-via Dictionary.com